Art of Cimeries

The street was awfully quiet. Just myself and my closest friends waiting to cross at the traffic light to roam the streets. Something felt off. Bizarre. Looking up to the sky shouldering the shimmering sun, it wasn’t as blindingly brilliant as I usually recalled. The chittering of my mates by the lights and somehow it felt like the distance between us increased… Did I step back?

Later on the sound of boots overridden the words of my friends, boots that came clacking to my right. Their murmurs lulled as the passing fragrance allured me… Something familiar; fresh cut lavenders… Some lemons were in the mix too. I swayed my head to the reeling trail, pinching my nose towards the source.

It was her…

Her glowing ginger locks, fair skin and rosy lips. Youthful like the day we met and her smile more vibrant than the time we shared several nights. She looked different… Perhaps her red lips lured my gaze. Maybe her coloured eyes that reflected off my dark eyes.

Something was different.

Or maybe that she was dressed like a lady, something I could only ever imagine. She was usually in baggy jeans and an oversized hoody, now she was in a black dress walking by.

Stunning.

Absolutely stunning.

What is it they say about the ones you love? You cherish them more when you no longer hold them.

Just like that, I noticed the man she was with. Walking along with confident strides, the man all women dream of – Successful, prideful and that confidence.

I couldn’t help but feel that green monster crawl within me but… I saw her face. Nothing I could do but smile back as if I was fine; awkwardly raising a  ‘V’ with my fingers while holding back the remorseful tears of our history.

How awkward… I put up a ‘V’ thinking this was one of those signing events and I was some sort of idol. I wasn’t.

She only crumpled her brows by my awkward but brief encounter, confusion painted on her face as I fumbled upon stepping back. My face heated in embarrassment.

Come on… Why did you go and do that?

As I stepped foot on the tactile paving to cross the roads, I found myself elsewhere in an instant. Warped from where I was to a dark ceiling.

An insomniac lying in bed with temporary amnesia. One moment at the crossing and the next, in bed staring at my phone screen hesitantly. What was going on with me?

I stared at the bright lights on the phone sleeplessly holding my thumb over a contact… Hers. My thumb drifting over the trash icon, hopelessly contemplating an erasure on my phone to aid the erasure in my brain. The vodka sure helped make the thumb move closer. Perhaps it’s finally time to move one? Just one click…

Or maybe not. I pulled my thumb away, doubting the purity of this vodka. Perhaps another shot will do?

This is stupid.

How many times have I gone through this? Night after night, with the bottles by my bed as I leer in hopes of a blank slate.

Too many…

I tell myself that it’s for the best. But deep down I know it all to be lies. Lies I tell to avert my lingering attachment and the pain left by the rejection. Once a requited love and now unrequited, I wish I hadn’t met her…

Another lie?

Another lie… I’m glad I met her, even though it cost me hell and dropped me from the tips of heaven. Just as I muster the failed conviction, the phone rings aloud and startles me. Dropped flat on my face, stinging my nose the call was answered by the slight touch that invaded the screen.

“Hey…”

It was her voice. She called me. Why?

“Hello?”

“Hey…” I paused for a moment as I sat up right and stared across the room, gulping as I felt my throat knot. “A bit late for a call don’t you think?” Chuckling to hide the croakiness in my nodule.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called.”

“No. No. No. It’s all good.” Looking into the mirror I briefly think look how pathetic I look. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Were you outside today?”

“Yeah… I think so. My minds felt blank since… Well it’s blanked out.”

“Again?” She sighed for my sake; she knew what was wrong from our years together. “So… That was you back there then., wasn’t it?” My discomforted sigh couldn’t hide. “You should have said something. Back there… When you saw me. We’re not strangers.”

“How could I? It seemed like I would have intruded. Look… I don’t know why I did what I did.”

“You mean the peace sign.” She chuckled and sighed. “don’t worry about it, left me a bit confused though.”

“That means peace?! God… I fucked it all up. Honestly thought it meant ‘good luck’.”

She clearly chuckled a little and so did I. “It was probably what I needed today… Luck that is. I finally got my divorce.”

“What?”

She let out a heavy sigh. “It didn’t work out…  Same old stuff…Why else would I get a divorce?”

For a moment I froze up as I look to the phone I’ve cradled in both palms as I spoke to her. Confused as it was ringing again.

“Ah… Right.”

Seconds later I open my eyes and look to the dark crummy room; humid, cold and dark as heck. My back was flat with only a thin blanket to prevent the heat escaping to the floor.

Ah… This is my reality isn’t it. I almost believed all that.

The phone on the floor was ringing, I unplugged the tattered charging cable, ignoring the jolt that would have stung the old me. The phone read out ‘Alice’. Letting out a sigh as she invaded my dreams and once again my reality, answering the call with my brows furrowed in distress.

“Kai! I need you to…” She let out a hiccup as her words slurred, clearly drunk as hell at 1 am in the morning. “I’ve been kicked out…”

“You don’t talk to me in months and you want me to help you out?” My ears heated up as I held my tone while I got riled up. “Jesus, Alice… You should call your boyfriend to pick you up.”

“Please… It’s really cold.”

“No shit?!” I objected to her request unable to hold back. But the reality… I found myself before the broken apartment mirror kicking the bottles away from my foot. “What are you even doing in a club?”

“Are you coming?”

“Fuck no! You think I’m still a pushover?!”

“Please…”

I stared at the mirror looking at my sunken eyes and rugged beard. I pulled up my pants and heaved as I held the phone between my head and neck. Why did I even bitch about it if all I felt was the fear of her safety?

“Kai…” I heard her faint sniffling and whimpering.

“Hey…” There was another voice in the back – A stranger.”

“Where are your friends?”

“I don’t know!”

“Fucking hell… Stay on the phone.”

I rushed to the doors out of my apartment, picking up the keys and helmet as I put it on abrasively. Racing down the steps at 1 am was surely going to rile up my landlord, he’s already raging to get me evicted given the chance.

As I got to my bike, the helmet filled up with my breath, tainted with smoke and spirits. I reeked of death and lifeless approach – Closer to a Dullahan as I took my seat and clothed in full black.

“You still on the phone, Alice?”

“Are you coming?”

Throttling my bike and flipping my visor on, sighing as I gave my speechless response. I held a spare helmet in my lap, hers… One I got for her long before.

Why do I still have this mangy thing?

My old bike sped along the roads like a storm rolling around while others were quiet with the whirring and squirming from their electric vehicles. Eyes turned to me as my bike was fuming like I would throughout the day.

Fuck… Forgot my smokes. Fucking hell! I need to get my priorities straight.

“You still by the club?”

She murmured and grunted.

“Is something wrong?”

“Are you coming yet?” She squirmed; her voice shuddered in the discomfort.

If one of those fucks touch her…

The lights bouncing off my visor let me blank out briefly, reminiscing the same discomfort on the day I confessed. I lost a good friend after a confession but gained a lover. The last time she was this distressed was when she finally gave up on me, a man with no purpose nor aspirations as the world went to hell. I was used to giving up on dream, it was the reality of my situation. But along with that youthful self… I lost her. The only tape that held my life in place, it all shattered completely after that.

Suddenly, the honking of a car by my side startled me out of memory lane and back on the fast line.

“Fuck you too jack-off!” Sticking my middle finger out as I sped past.

I was in the wrong… But it was 1am, I’m still drunk from the last few hours and high off my horse as I raced to help my ex. I think that alone was fair enough for such a reaction.

I approached the alley to the club, slowing down my rusty bike. I looked around to this shithole, London was a beautiful city a few years back, just like my life… When hell breaks loose, it really does. When more scum covered the city, they decided to sweep it aside. Past the riverbanks was the city cut off from this dump.

Alleys like this were homes to the homeless, beggars, druggies, whores, gangbangers and gangster-wannabes. Which raises the question, why was Alice here? What was she doing far from the inner city? This was no place for a corpo-lass like her. She was basically fine wine among scum rum.

Pulling out the key and gripping it firmly, I knew if I closed my eyes for a second I’d be a dead mugged mutt.

“Alice!” I walked over and raised my visor.

“You came…” She seemed surprised, drunk enough to express a little more than usual.

“Who are you gents?” I looked around at the crowd around her. I could tell with a glance who they were, they weren’t the usual mobsters. They seemed to be a bit more organised than the usual muck.

I was raised around sketchy, I could tell by the very gait of the gents, they were used to smoother floors. They were definitely baggers and scouts for a bigger predator. They’re trouble… But so am I.

“How about we all scatter and get on with the night? It’s 1am and I haven’t had my whiskey yet, nor my smokes.”

“Fuck off you pillock!” One of them stepped forth blocking my way to Alice and spewed.

“Go back home ya fag face.”

I ignored the white noise of swears from the shitheads that were hot in their heads and cold on their feet. If it was a real fight, they were looking for they’d be begging for mercy.

“Alice… Put this on.” I barged past and handed her the spare. One of the rowdy bunches grasped her arms and I stared back with a snarl. “Get your hands off my woman before I feed you your own balls.”

“Alright! Fuck this fish-eyes cunt, lads! Bag im!”

I took a step back and unzipped my jacket, pulling out the last thing to bring to the streets.

“Back the fuck up you inbred pale skins… Or do you want me to blow you in a different way than your usual preference.” I pointed the gun down to the leading cockheads, cock. “Put it on and stay on the bike.” I jolted my head gesturing to Alice. “We’ll talk later.”

“You know you can’t fire that off before the coppers come to nick your brown ass.”

“Wanna bet on that?” I held the gun firmly and stared into his eyes as I was keen to blow off his balls.

“Where are you from?”

“What, so you can come chop me up?” I chuckled. “You’re gonna have to come up with something better.”

“No… So we know where to leave that sheep-shagging slag after we tear her cunt”

I stared growling at him and his lackeys, I could hear Alice stepping off the bike with a clack from her heels.

“You come for her, I’ll tear you, your lads, your kid and your husbands a new one. Don’t worry… I won’t fuck them. I’m not a twink tosser like you fuckers.” I fired the trigger at his cock, the splatter of blood squirted everywhere as a little pat could be heard as his balls dropped with his cock. “I’m gonna fuck anyone that comes after me or her with their cocks and cunts.” Stepping close. “So, who’s next?” Swaying the barrel of my revolver picking out the next target on their crotches.

“Where are the fucking coppers?!” The man who lost his cock and balls cried as his spit flung around in madness. “They should have been here already.!”

“I am the fucking police. Get it through that thick skull.” I flipped my visor on. “Same goes for all of you! If you wanna fuck with me! Then tell me now so I can neuter you low lives! Could spare the outer city with trash like you!”

As we peaked close to 3 am, we arrived at Alice’s apartment, uptown… Urban. Filled with the beautiful skyline of lights and piercing skyscrapers, watching over it all was the high security zeppelin stationing the elite enforcers.

Yeah… This place was no place for a man like me, I was on edge as I rode on my rustic bike while I could feel the cameras and eyes leer. They probably would have scanned my identification chip; it was a good thing I was one of the enforcers, even though I was but a mere grunt in their eyes above.

I slowed down and leered at the security and fellow enforcers staring with their hands hovering over their tasers.

“We’ll take it from here ‘Mudmutt’.”

How colourful of them…

“Step aside you poodles!” I reached to my holster and grunted past my visor showing my unlicensed revolver. “You ever seen one before.”

“That’s an unregistered projectile weaponry! Set it down!” They pulled out the tasers with the apartment complex’s security rushed inside.

“It’s called a gun, not like the kink toys you kids carry. You really think you can take me on with that?” Holding my revolver I stood my ground. “I’m down one bullet tonight, I’ve got five more in here. You wanna play some Russian roulette?” I teased them with a shrug and stepped closer.

“Set it down and no one gets hurt!”

“You ever fired that?” Stepping close I pointed and shrugged at the plastic thing. “Better yet have you felt what it’s like on the other end… You know back at the precinct we use those as a joke. Fire em at the cuffed idiots and watch them piss. Fire em at one of us and we just grit our teeth and bite back. I can handle the shock from that and I sure as hell can pump lead into the two of you easily.”

They sure seem terrified. Definitely the holier-than-thou archetypes, they’ve never even had to deal with real cases and yet they sip on their sodas like kids… Preaching like they even do anything.

“Back off!”

“Go ahead. Try. See what happens when this ‘Mudmutt’ bites.”

“He’s with me…” Alice sighed as she clung to my arm and dragged me down a little. “Don’t shoot them.” She stared at me with her glistening green eyes.

“You know this… Officer.”

I chuckled as I saw the enforcer struggle to even call me an ‘Officer’. Such a statement was accepting we were equals despite the disparity. Must have taken alot out of him to even say it… But at the end of the day it’s all a means of continuing the smiles associated with the enforcers within the inner city. A means to ensure this false sense of security.

“Let’s go.” I shoved my revolver in my holster and jolted her up, walking past the murmuring growls of the ‘poodles’ I brushed past showing my grievance.

“Drinking on duty is prohibited.”

One of them must have caught a whiff of it, I simply walked by and shoved a finger for the sherbets to grumble over.

“Fucking dicks.” I murmured.

“They’re just doing their job.” Alice retorted. “You shouldn’t have shot the man back there.”

“You shouldn’t have even come downtown.”

The apartment complex’s door guard opened the door and tailed us to the elevators. Bashing the fancy clean button with my bloodied hand I chuckle and show another finger.

“Some guard.”

“Will you stop it!” Alice wearily slapped my helmet and I frowned back.

“I wouldn’t have to be in this shit city if you hadn’t called!” The doors closed as I mashed the button over and over. “This fucking shithole! Fucking door!”

“You’re just jealous cause your still a cop down there.”

What the fuck did she say?

 My curled brows were visible through the visor and yet she leered back as if she was in the right. No fear in her eyes, probably because she knows I wouldn’t harm her.

Why the heck did I come for this bitch?

“You know I’m right… I may be wasted but I’m clear up here.” Pointing to her head.

“Shut up already.”

“You keep acting this way and no one will give a damn about you!” Raising her arms at me, I catch her sloppy strike.

“Don’t fucking act like you give a shit!” Shoving it away. “Just get back to your fancy ass apartment and sleep it off.” I shoved my hands down her dress and into her cleavage pulling out the phone. “Fucking delete my number already!” I began mashing at the screen attempting to unlock it only to be taken back by her.

“Fine!” She tossed the phone and stamped it under her heels which snapped before the phone took any damage. “Fuck! Fuck this! Fuck you! Fuck this damn city!”

Goddamn it…

I picked up her phone and felt her kick at my chest. Weak…

“Leave it! Just leave it!”

“What’s your problem?!”

“You are! Why did you come?”

“Crazy bitch…”

“I called you but you shouldn’t have come. Oh… Alice needs her shining white knight to come save her every time she gets in a mess.”

“You called me!”

“Why can’t you just let me die?”

She’s still drunk… She doesn’t mean it… Does she?

Alice closed in, whimpering by my chest ignorant of the blood splatter on it. My arms raised up reflexively to pat her to be calm.

God… I’m still a mess. You haunt my dreams and you keep doing things like this…

“You can’t come calling me… Where’s that white collar shit head of yours?”

Alice nuzzled and shook her head. “Don’t bring up that asshole.”

Dumped again. She’s got to stop dating those corpo-sleazebags.

“We’re here.” I walked out the elevator. “I’ll walk you to your place. You still living with that nightmare.”

“My roommate?” Wiping the drops of tears that held onto her lids dearly.

“Who else?”

Alice chuckled. “I remember the last roommate I had. You said the same thing back then.”

“Pick better guys and roommates and I’ll think about dropping that line.”

As we walked down the hallways of the apartment complex, I was reminded of how different our lives were. The lights in here were always on and excessively used for the décor, the foliage indoor smelled of artificial freshness: my keen nose could pick up the scents and decoded them one by one; citrus fruit, berries and a hint of fresh popped wine. Citrus fruits went extinct a few years ago but the scent enough was tempting me of the fond memories of the family of sour sweetness.

“You don’t like it here, do you?” She looked up and asked, I shook in response. “What do you like about downtown so much that you stayed there?”

What’s with all these questions? I haven’t got the energy for this.

I knocked the door and thought carefully to myself.

Why did I stay there? Why near the scum, violence and torment? What kept me there?

“Coming!” Said a high-pitched voice from behind the door. Opening the door an excited lady jumped with a smile wearing a translucent dress and caked up in makeup. A man stood behind nude and grinned proudly with his hands on his hips. “Alice… I thought you were…”

She screamed at sight of the blood and foul odour on me and on Alice’s hands.

“Took her a while to react.” I uttered and conjured Alice’s giggle once again, seems like Alice still had some of the downtown in her. “Hey Linda.” Greeting the nightmare roommate of hers.

“Why did you bring him here?!”

“It’s always a pleasure to see your doll face too.” I barged in and scowled at the nude man. “Cover up or I might pump lead in that hacky-sack down there.”

Alice giggled and turned her face serious as she tried to make up an excuse to Linda. “I was…”

“You know the rules…” Linda leaned close to her thinking I couldn’t hear her whispers. “We can’t bring downtown beggars in here.”

“I can still hear you blow-up doll. Her reaction made it worth the while, never liked this uptown bitch anyways. “That seemed to tick you off. In case you don’t realise ‘beggars’ like me come in to clean up this city in more ways than you think.”

Linda huffed. “You live on our taxes.”

“That’s mighty kind of you oh mighty overlords.” I sneered back mocking her and writhing out Alice’s downtown chuckle.

“Good. You know where you belong then.”

“I forgot Linda was a little dense, they must have pumped silicon in your cranium too.” I looked to the man rushing for a covering as my gaze made the final threat. “You know she’s completely plastic. Linda looked closer to a guy, nothing natural about her. Even her skin.” I leaned into whisper in Linda’s ear. “Bet you didn’t realise but most of the skin for grafting comes from death row cons. A sick irony we like to call justice.”

“You!” Linda held her breath fuming mad and I couldn’t help but give a sinister chuckle. “I’m a hundred percent real sweety! Don’t listen to the pig here!”

“Oh I sure as hell am a pig. But you were one before all that blubber got sucked out of you right?”

“I want him out of here, Alice!”

Well that’s my cue.

“No.” Alice clutched on.

“What are you doing?”

“I’ve had enough of your shit, Linda. You have no right to kick him out. This apartment’s also mine.”

Maybe the booze finally knocked some sense into her after all these years.

 “Look here officer…” The man covering his sausage and meatballs slid past us and to the door. “Honestly, she and I are just a fling. I’m not even one of those corpos.”

“I already figured that… How much did she pay you?”

“Pay?” Alice looked to Linda disapprovingly. “He’s a gigolo?”

“Inner city isn’t so innocent after all. You’re roommate Linda here, violated the inner-city code for mingling. You’re from downtown ain’t you kid?”

“Yes, officer. But…”

I raised my hand halting his reasons. “Just scram.” I reached in my pocket and pulled out the pocket-printer linked to my eye prosthetic. This’ll give you a free pass to Club Haven. Know where it is?”

He nodded fearfully, cautious of what I was going to do.

“Wait out the day, put the expenses on this account. There will be a correctional officer-”

“Please, sir. I don’t want to go to the correctional facility. I was smuggled in by a ‘high-riser’. I won’t do it again.”

“Calm down… The officer is from downtown, one of my guys. He’ll take you home later on. It’s hard to make a living but don’t ever fuck with the ‘high-risers’. Get me?” He nodded and took the ticket. “Oh goddamn it, kid! Get your fucking clothes then leave.”

“You’re a good man. Thank you.” The gigolo was trembling in his eyes and rushed past.

“As for you… Linda. How on earth did you make contact with a ‘high-riser’? How much did you pay for that kid?”

“Fuck…” Linda clenched her fists and her real face stung out bitter and hideous. “You gonna arrest me? You know downtown enforcers have no jurisdiction.”

“You can’t arrest her.” Alice tugged, pleading for her friend.

“She’s a criminal. Worst of them all. Direct affiliation with one of the ‘high-riser’ mobs by what it looks like. Let me tell you, Linda… I don’t arrest like the poodles in the city. I have enough lead to purge you hypocritical bitches.” Revealing my holster, Linda trembled and lowered her stature. “Now… Do you know your place?”

She nodded.

“Don’t hurt her, please.”

I leaned into Linda’s ear whispering some words making her tremble and leak piss on her pristine marble flooring.

“Oh… And if you or somehow you… are linked to anything that happens to Alice… I won’t just cap your knees. I’ll drag you by the hair downtown to show you how ‘high-risers’ roll in a first-class seat. Got that?” After seeing her nod I knew she wouldn’t bother us or Alice no matter what. “Scram!” I stamped and watched her rush past the gigolo and leer at the young man. “Forget her, if she causes trouble, I’ll deal with her.”

“Thank you… I really mean it. Thank you.” He rushed out

Moments later Alice led me to her room, drunk and high from whatever it was. She stayed quiet. I stared at her as she looked out the window looking down at the city, I could sense the judgement. Just like when we were together a few years ago, she’s about to give me a lecture.

Come on already… Just get it done and over with so I can go.

“Did you say something?” She turned back to me and I shook my head with the helmet still on.

She’s scary… This silence is still killing me.

“Sometimes I feel like you are talking… You’ve left a lot of you in here. Almost like I can hear your thoughts.” She pointed to her noggin. “Would you really have shot Linda?”

“Yeah… I’d be damn happy too.”

“What made you this fucked up?” She turned to me with those eyes as if she had any right to judge me after what she’s done tonight. “It’s downtown… You have to leave that place. You and I know you are capable of so much more.”

“You still think that high of me? Please.” I slapped away her hands which caressed my chest in an instant. “The only difference between my hell and this one is that one looks like hell and the other looks a bit better. It’s all the same crap. Maybe this one’s worse.”

“You always had a knack for philosophy.”

“It’s the facts.”

Alice turned to the mirror and stared hard in disappointment at her reflection as she sobered up. “What’s wrong with me?”

I took my helmet off and walked to the window to ponder on. “It’s just a bad day… Happens to us all.”

Chuckling and sighing. “Even you?”

I looked over my shoulder and looked at her shadow casted on mine and nodded. She shook her head and slipped off her dress and out of her broken heels.

“I should go. Get some rest, will you?”

“Stay… Please… Let’s talk a bit more.”

“Then put on some clothes.”

“What’s wrong? You’ve seen me like this before. Don’t you like me?”

“You’re looping Alice, what did you take other than the alcohol?” She went quiet and I turned around, something stood out. “Someone spiked you… You should have told me!” Grasping her arm tightly , I was still protective over her despite having no right to.

“It’s alright… It’s nothing. Probably the same old stuff I used to do, right?”

“Why did you come downtown?”

“You finally asked…” She sat down nude by the window and patted beside her, I took a seat across the room and stared past her silhouette cast by the bright lights past the window. “Have it your way… I missed it all. I had a few drinks. This place finally got to me, Kai.”

“Stress from work?”

“Corporates one thing. This city… another. I just missed home.”

“It’s not the home you remember.”

“I… I just felt like going back. I put up quite a fight with those guys.”

“If I was late, you would have been used meat. Trust me… The guy I shot was likely a supplier for the ‘high-risers’… They scout the clubs and pick up. You looked like fresh meat and you would have sold for a killing.”

“Coming from you that’s a compliment.”

“Coming from me… It’s a warning. Stay here. Just forget the night. Forget me. A blank slate. Just work, date, get a family. Be happy.”

Alice stood up and walked towards me and knelt before me, her peach skin bounced off the light and her natural scent was drawing me close. The blood knocked me back to my senses, alerting me of a mistake I could incur.

“I wanted that with you, Kai.” Alice nuzzled close to my chest knowingly staining her perfect skin with the drying blood splatter. “I still want that. We can just leave this place… together.”

I don’t want to leave… Why? Somethings wrong with me in the head, isn’t there?

“I figured why you wanted to stay. This is the real you, aint it?” Placing her palms on my pounding chest. “Blood doesn’t faze you. The danger doesn’t. It’s like your chasing death.”

“When did you become such a poet?” I chuckled, letting down my guard I stroked her hair unconsciously.

“This place never changed you, only showed you who you are. I would have thought it did but earlier… You’re still that same man. The kind one under all this…”

“That kid had a twisted fate. Anyone could have ended up in his shoes… If he wears any that is.”

“You could be so much more but you’re just a… hunter. What you did for him, you could do for others. More than an enforcer, just somewhere else. This place was gone long ago.”

She’s not wrong yet… I wish she was. I can do more. This place is hell but… it’s more than that. If I leave this place, it means I failed yet again. If I leave then it means…

I looked down at her and watched her eyes wear out as she mumbled and rested on me. She was well tuckered out.

“I want to make this place what it was years ago… What it could have been? Then maybe… No.” I shook my head. “It’s not such a stoic reason. It’s as you said, I’m just a hunter. This is my jungle. This will always be my home.”

Short Story by Sanjeev ‘Cimeries’ Retnasingam